Why Your Association Needs a "Prenup" Before Signing with Any Software Vendor Relationship
- 1 day ago
- 8 min read
And How to Know If You're Getting a Partner—or Just a Vendor in Disguise
By Chad Stewart, Principal Consultant | SmartThoughts LLC.
Imagine this all-too-common scenario.
Just six months after celebrating your new AMS contract, the initial excitement has faded. The dedicated project manager who vowed to be your "partner through this journey" has been moved to a "higher priority" client. Your support requests are now consistently ignored, becoming stale tickets rather than resolved issues. To make matters worse, the carefully negotiated pricing has inexplicably jumped by 35%—a consequence of a fine-print distinction between "member records" and "actual member records" that was never disclosed.
Meanwhile, you're sitting in a board meeting trying to explain why the software that was supposed to transform your association is currently transforming your staff into people who update their LinkedIn profiles during lunch.
Sound familiar? You're not alone.
After 20 + years and countless software selection projects, I can tell you this happens more often than any vendor will admit. And here's the thing that still amazes me after all these years:
The warning signs were almost always visible during the sales process. The association just didn't know where to look.
The Software Vendor Relationship Is Basically a Marriage (Without the Fun Parts)
Stay with me here, because this analogy is going to save you a lot of heartache.
When you sign a software contract, you're essentially entering into a 3-5 year committed relationship. You'll be seeing each other constantly. You'll be sharing intimate details (your data). You'll be financially intertwined. And if things go south, getting out will be expensive, messy, and emotionally exhausting.
Yet somehow, most associations spend more time evaluating features on a checklist than they do evaluating whether this vendor is actually going to be a good
partner—or just a vendor who's really good at first dates.
Think about it. In the dating world, we all know the red flags:
They talk about themselves constantly and never ask about you
They're charming to your face but rude to the waiter
Their stories don't quite add up
They get defensive when you ask reasonable questions
They promise the moon but are vague on the details
Guess what? These same behaviors show up in software sales—and they predict the same thing: trouble ahead.
Why Your RFP Vendor Scorecard Is Lying to You
I know, I know. You spent months on that RFP. You have a beautiful spreadsheet with weighted scores and color-coded rankings. Vendor A scored 94.7, and Vendor B scored 91.2, so obviously Vendor A is the right choice.
Except here's the problem:
Features don't implement themselves.
The fancy AI-powered automation doesn't matter if the implementation team has never actually configured it for an association of your size. The beautiful member portal is useless if the vendor disappears when it's time to migrate your data. That integrated event management module won't save you if "integrated" turns out to mean "technically connected but requires three additional consultants to make it work."
What actually determines whether your implementation succeeds or fails? It's not the feature list. It's the partnership quality—the vendor's commitment to your success, their transparency, their responsiveness, and their ability to handle problems without pointing fingers.
And here's the kicker: you can evaluate all of that during the sales process—if you know what to look for.
Enter: The Partnership Prenup
In the real world, prenuptial agreements exist because smart people recognize that how someone behaves before marriage is a pretty good indicator of how they'll behave during marriage. When you're dating, you can overlook a lot—they're on their best behavior, after all. But a prenup forces you to have uncomfortable conversations before the wedding, not after.
That's exactly what we've created for software vendor evaluation:
The Partnership Prenup Assessment.
It's not another feature checklist. It's not a technical requirements matrix. It's a behavioral evaluation framework that examines how your vendor is acting during the sales process—because that behavior is the single best predictor of how they'll act after you've signed the contract and they've cashed the check.
Software Vendor vs. Partner: The Difference That Makes All the Difference
Before we dive into the framework, let's get crystal clear on what separates a vendor from a partner—because the difference isn't just semantics. It's the difference between a successful implementation and a multi-year nightmare.
A Vendor...
Sells you software and moves on to the next prospect
Focuses on the transaction, not the transformation
Disappears after implementation (or after the commission check clears)
Sees renewals as a billing event, not a relationship milestone
Gets defensive when problems arise
A Partner...
Invests time in understanding your organization before pitching solutions
Tells you when their product ISN'T the right fit
Shows up when things get hard—not just when things are going well
Views your success as their success (because it actually is)
Admits what they don't know—and follows up with answers
The challenge? Both types say all the right things during sales. The words are often identical. The difference is in the behavior—and that's exactly what the Partnership Prenup evaluates.
The 7 Stages of Sales Process Behavior (And What They Reveal)
Our assessment framework evaluates vendor behavior across the entire sales journey—from first contact to contract signing. Each stage reveals something different about the vendor's true character. Think of it as seven first dates, where you're paying attention to the right things.
Stage 1: Initial Outreach & Discovery
The question: Did they research you, or deliver a canned pitch?
A partner takes time to understand your organization before showing up. They mention specific details about your association. They ask questions about your challenges before launching into their solution. A vendor shows up with a generic deck, calls you an "association" when you're actually a "society," and spends 45 minutes talking about features you explicitly said you don't need.
Stage 2: Needs Assessment & Demo Quality
The question: Was the demo customized to your workflows, or a rehearsed performance?
Partners customize demos to your actual use cases. They involve product managers and implementation specialists early. They show you the rough edges, not just the highlights. Vendors deliver polished, pre-recorded demos that look suspiciously identical to the one they showed your colleague at another association.
Stage 3: Proposal & Pricing Discussion
The question: Was pricing transparent, or full of hidden landmines?
This is where the rubber meets the road. Partners itemize costs clearly, discuss what's included versus add-on, and are honest about historical price increases. Vendors give you a "special deal" that expires Friday, mysteriously find additional line items after you've committed, and claim prices are "locked in forever" (spoiler: they're not).
Stage 4: Contract Negotiation
The question: Were they flexible on reasonable terms, or rigid as a brick wall?
Partners understand that every organization has unique needs and work collaboratively on contract terms. They define SLAs clearly and stand behind them. Vendors hand you a 47-page contract with a "take it or leave it" attitude, get squirrely when you ask about performance guarantees, and somehow the contract says something different than what the sales rep promised.
Stage 5: References & Stakeholder Engagement
The question: Did references seem coached, or genuinely authentic?
Partners give you references immediately and let you speak privately without a vendor chaperone. They discuss failed implementations and what they learned. Vendors stall on references until you're nearly committed, sit in on every reference call, and somehow can't think of a single implementation that didn't go perfectly.
Stage 6: Sales Rep Behavior
The question: Was the rep genuine, or performing a script?
Partner sales reps respond quickly, remember details from previous conversations, and admit when they don't know something. Vendor reps take a week to return calls, seem surprised when you remind them what you discussed, and have an answer for everything (even when the answer is clearly made up on the spot).
Stage 7: Handling Objections & Pushback
The question: Did they solve problems, or try to "win" arguments?
This stage is the ultimate truth serum. Partners listen to your concerns, address them directly, and acknowledge limitations honestly. They see objections as problems to solve together. Vendors interrupt you mid-sentence, dismiss concerns as "not really an issue," and treat every conversation like a debate they need to win.
The Red Flags That Should Send You Running
After hundreds of selection projects and countless implementations, I've seen patterns emerge. These aren't just yellow caution lights—these are flashing red sirens that predict post-sale problems with alarming accuracy:
"We can do anything you need."
No software does everything well. When a vendor claims they have no limitations, they're either lying or delusional. Either way, run.
Pricing that changes with every conversation.
If they can't give you consistent pricing during sales, imagine what renewals will look like.
References that sound like they're reading from a script.
When reference customers can't speak freely, you have to wonder what they're hiding.
Contracts that don't match sales promises.
The contract is what matters. If it contradicts what the sales rep promised, guess which one the vendor will enforce?
Defensive responses to legitimate concerns.
If they can't handle pushback gracefully during sales, what happens when you have a real problem during implementation?
Why This Assessment Is Different From Everything Else Out There
Let's be honest: the internet is full of vendor evaluation tools. Most are created by... vendors. Which means they're designed to make vendors look good, not to protect you.
The Partnership Prenup Assessment is different:
It's independent. SmartThoughts accepts zero commissions from software vendors. We have no dog in this fight except your success.
It's behavioral, not feature-based. Features can lie, and vendors can mislead. Behavior tells the truth.
It's based on real patterns. 25+ years and hundreds of software selections have taught us exactly which behaviors predict success and failure.
It gives you a score, not just opinions. Quantified results you can present to your board with confidence.
It's free. Because every association deserves access to this insight, regardless of budget.
How It Works: 10 Minutes to Clarity
The Partnership Prenup Assessment takes about 10 minutes to complete. Here's what you get:
Answer 35 behavioral questions across the 7 stages of your vendor's sales process
Receive your Partnership Fitness Score (1.0-5.0) instantly
See your stage-by-stage breakdown to identify exactly where the green lights and red flags are
Get specific recommendations for what to negotiate, monitor, or walk away from
Take action with confidence —whether that means proceeding, negotiating harder, or reconsidering entirely
What Your Score Means:
4.5–5.0: Excellent Partnership Fit
This vendor shows strong partnership-oriented behavior. Proceed with confidence.
4.0–4.4: Strong Partnership Potential
Generally positive signals with minor areas to monitor. Address specific concerns in your contract.
3.5–3.9: Acceptable with Risk Management
Mixed signals present. Build in strong protections, pilot clauses, and regular business reviews.
3.0–3.4: High Risk
Significant concerning patterns. Consider walking away or demanding major concessions and executive-level commitments.
Below 3.0: Critical Red Flags
Dealbreaker behavior patterns detected. We recommend reconsidering this vendor entirely.
The Real Cost of Choosing a Vendor Over a Partner
Let me give you some numbers to make this even more real:
With an average mid-market AMS contract running $150,000–$500,000 over 3-5 years
Failed implementations costing 2-3x the original budget to remediate
Staff turnover during a troubled implementation? Often, 20-30% of your technology team
Member satisfaction during a failing implementation? Plummets
Your credibility with the board after recommending the wrong vendor? Let's not go there
A 10-minute assessment to evaluate whether you're getting a partner or a vendor. That's the best ROI you'll find anywhere.
Don't Sign Until You Know
Your next software contract could be a 3-5 year commitment and a six-figure investment. The vendor's behavior during the sales process is your best predictor of what life will be like after you sign.
Don't rely on features and promises. Don't trust the polished demos and rehearsed pitches.
Evaluate the behavior.
Take 10 minutes to complete the Partnership Prenup Assessment. Find out if you're getting a true partner—or just a vendor who's good at dating.
Your future self—and your board—will thank you.
10 minutes. 35 questions. Complete clarity.
About the Author:
Chad Stewart is the Founder and Principal Consultant at SmartThoughts LLC, an independent software selection consulting firm that has been helping associations and nonprofits make smarter technology decisions since 2002. With 20+ years of experience and hundreds of AMS implementations and reviews of over 130+ vendors, Chad brings unmatched expertise to the association technology space. An AAiP-certified AI Professional, he accepts zero vendor commissions—ensuring every recommendation is based solely on what's right for the organization.
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